I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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