Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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