I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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