My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
