there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
