how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
