I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
