How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
