The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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