So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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