Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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