Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
