All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
