Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
