Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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