She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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