so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
