I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
