Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
