You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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