everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
