Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
