It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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