then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
