I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
