mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
