guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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