I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
