So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
