its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
