shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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