i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
