I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
