dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
being pregnant is like rehab
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
