I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
