on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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