You're so nebulous sometimes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
