eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
