I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
