New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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