im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
