I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
