I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
