if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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