i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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