I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
