So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
