Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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