i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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