FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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