I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
