Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
