Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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