Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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