it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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