She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
