so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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