I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize