They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
