new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
