Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
