Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
