Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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