That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize