I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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