i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
