Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
