I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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