i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
