On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
