Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
