'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
