omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
