I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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