so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
