ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
