I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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