Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
