What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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