Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
