In America we eat man semen.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
